Lonely Souls
by Maddie-san
Summary: After a loss, Kagome loses hope and the joy she has for Christmas. Inuyasha desperately tries to bring it back but what if he's not the answer? What if someone as broken as her holds the key to happiness?


**A/N:** This was written for the Dokuga Christmas Exchange. I wrote this based on Caleesci's prompt: "Perhaps it is the child within me, but I cannot help but feel as though Christmas is the culmination of all that is good in the world. It is a reminder to be at peace with one another." -Unknown

I - I'm not good at oneshots aha. So - please don't kill me because it sucks.

**Lonely Souls **

**OneShot**

"This does not explain my presence here."

Sesshomaru's arms were crossed in front of his chest while he leaned back into the chocolate brown leather seat. His long silver hair were wrapped into a ponytail, the end of it swiping across his shoulder, contrasting with his black dress shirt. Annoyance was obvious in his features as he strained his jaw in an attempt to bite back the words he wanted to speak. Amber eyes were squinted while he glared at his father, disapproving of the newest _task_ that was imposed upon him. _Again_, his little brother threw a tantrum and he was rewarded with whatever he wanted. _He had no time for this foolish behaviour._

Inutaisho sighed, his shoulders slumping as he rubbed his chin with his hand. His oldest son was absolutely impossible. He tilted his head back, his short silver hair brushing against the nape of his neck. _Why did the kamis punish him with two stubborn sons_? He put his hands on his hips while pinching his lips together. Sesshomaru was particular and it was difficult to deal with him and on some days, Inutaisho wondered if it was his fault he ended up this way. Perhaps he did not handle the loss as well as he thought he did.

"You can go. Nobody wants you here anyways."

"Inuyasha," he chastised.

"What pop? It's true! She doesn't even know him or _like_ him. It'll be better if it's just _you_, _me_ and ma'." A real family - without that asshole bothering them or hurting Kagome. She deserved happiness and kindness; she needed people who loved her. Plus his brother did not even deserve to be in the same room as Kagome. She was too good for him, too pure for his hatred.

"It is christmas and _everyone will be here_," he warned with a growl.

Was he the only one who cared if this family was together or not? How could two brothers hate each other this much?

"She doesn't need his crap."

"What she needs is to have people around her."

The poor girl was officially all alone in the world. She lost her father when she was nothing more than a child. It left her with hazy memories of a man, memories that she could barely recall now that she was over twenty years old. Her mother and her grandfather raised her by themselves in the family shrine. Until recently, all three of them were a family. Everything changed two months ago. Both her mother and her grandfather died in a car crash - it was not their fault. Someone missed their turn and drove right through the car, killing them instantaneously. They did not suffer but the poor girl did.

She was a happy child with a kind heart. She helped whenever she could, she saw the good in everyone and she never gave up no matter how hopeless the person was. That included his youngest son Inuyasha. He was always a bit apart from the others, his half-blood status plaguing him. He dragged it around like a weight wrapped around his neck. He never mingled, he never made friends; he remained a loner. All that changed when he met Kagome. He did try to push the girl away, he was even rude and crude to her. Except - Kagome never backed down from someone in need. It took a lot of time and perseverance but she broke through his barrier.

Ever since that day, his son's life changed. His heart became lighter, he smiled more often and despite his regular moody outburst, Inutaisho knew Inuyasha was happy. He owed that girl everything - she saved his son from the depth of darkness.

And now, she was the one in need, the one who no longer belonged. The moment she be-friended Inuyasha, she became pack and nothing was ever going to change that. They needed to show her she had a family, even though she no longer thought she did. He wanted _everyone_ to be present, he wanted them to look like a united family - despite the fact that Sesshomaru and Inuyasha could not stand each other. Maybe it would be good for them to spend some time together. Sesshomaru usually skipped on christmas and Inutaisho let him. _Not this time_.

"I am not one of her people," Sesshomaru quietly stated.

He met the girl once - perhaps twice. If it was not for the fact that his annoying half-brother loved to say her name over and over again, he probably would not remember it. And now he knew she lost… her mother? It was not clear. His brother kept sputtering nonsense and trying to listen to him was giving him a headache. Regardless of that, people died. He lost his mother. He survived it easily and he was certain that she could as well. She certainly did not need his presence around her to help her with her… grief. She did not know him, he did not know her. This was all about what his stupid half-brother wanted.

What about what _he_ wanted?

"_You will attend_," Inutaisho warned - a growl hiding deep in his throat.

The words 'or what' were never spoken but Inutaisho saw the defiance in his son's eyes. He saw it as a challenge of authority and it sent his rage flaring inside of his chest. He let him do whatever he pleased, he let him deal with his life however he wanted. He did not interfere, he did not even force the two of them to be brothers. He _never asked _his son for anything. For the first time, he was. And the boy was denying him his request? _He had another thing coming_.

"_You will attend_ or you can kiss the company goodbye."

Sesshomaru stood straight up, his arms at his sides. His jaw was clenched, his golden eyes narrowed while he bore his rage into his hardened glance. "You cannot do this." _All of this for a girl he basically did not know_?

Inutaisho cocked an eyebrow. "It is _my_ company and if I want to _ban_ you from it, I can." Thanks to his mother, his son developed an awful attitude and sometimes Inutaisho's patience ran short. Today was one of those days. His nostrils flared while staring Sesshomaru down. He was the alpha and he would be damned if that boy thought he could challenge him in his own home. "You can either stay here and spend the holidays with your family or you can find yourself another job and another place to live."

Sesshomaru's chest was thrust out, his top lip trembling while he was dying to bare his teeth. He owed his father respect but at the moment he had none for him. As a matter of fact, he lost respect for him a long time ago and it was not coming back. "_Very well_," he snapped. He walked past his father, his shoulder bumping into his father's, pushing his body out of the way as he walked out of the room.

"Do not leave this house," he warned with a smirk on his face.

Once Sesshomaru was out of the room, he turned around and faced Inuyasha. It was hard to miss the way Inuyasha was snickering; he enjoyed that little moment. "You're going to behave."

"I didn't do _shit_," he complained, smacking his hands on the side of his thighs.

"You will not get on your brother's nerves."

"That bast-" he argued.

"You will talk to him with respect and you will not provoke him unnecessarily." Although Inuyasha could be more harsh than Sesshomaru he was less defiant. He would fight him a bit but he never went against him the way Sesshomaru did.

"I have never -"

"I can also punish _you_. Do not give me attitude or you will suffer the same fate as your brother. I am your alpha and you will do as I say. Is that understood?"

Inuyasha sighed, rolling his eyes, before turning his head to the side. He faintly nodded, clearly displeased with his father ultimatum. "_Fine,_ I won't provoke the bastard - but he better not start anything."

"He won't."

"Okay, fine. Now can I go pick up Kagome?"

"Yes, you can. And be nice to her."

"I'm always nice to her."

Inutaisho scoffed. "Just be nice."

Inuyasha rolled his eyes again before exiting the room, dragging his feet. Inutaisho smiled while softly shaking his head. What did he do to get two sons like that? For the first time in a long time, christmas was going to be very interesting. Hopefully it would provide enough distraction to allow Kagome to forget about it all. Maybe it would even - maybe this would be the event that provoked a reaction out of Inuyasha. The boy had been in love with her as long as he could remember. She mesmerized him from day one and he never walked away from her enchantment. But, his boy had problem with his self-esteem and he never went after her.

It was a shame - he would love to have her as a daughter in law. Plus, perhaps it would truly make her feel like a part of the family.

Yes, this christmas would be _interesting_.

-L-

"Ta-da! Ma prepared it all for you."

Inuyasha dropped her black leathers bags on the ground and then turned around to look at his friend. What he saw was not the Kagome he knew, it was a ghost of her, another lighter version of his beautiful Kagome. Her long dark and greasy hair was pulled into a bun, resting on top of her head and she was wearing a pair of grey sweat pants along with a large white sweater. She wore no make up and there were deep purple circles under her blue eyes; she did not sleep. Her eyes were dry and red. It had been two months but she did not sleep yet. Then again, how could she? She had to sleep in that house all alone. He tried to persuade her to sleep at his place but she refused every single time. _He was the one to invite her over for christmas_. She said no. It was only when his father called that she accepted. She could never say no to him. Nobody could say no to his father. For once, he was grateful.

"Thanks." Her voice was a quiet whisper, one he barely heard. Her throat was raspy as though she spent the night screaming.

She did not move, instead, she remained there with her back pressed against the nearest wall. She avoided eye contact and chose to find a new fascination with the deep orange wooden floor. He sighed, his head tilting to the left. He did not know what to say to her, he did not know how to take the pain away. It hurt to see her like this, to see her broken. Kagome was the epitome of joy and… christmas? Christmas was her favorite holiday in the whole world. She enjoyed dedicating a whole week to making a tree, baking with her mother and - _and now she could not do any of those things_.

"So, hm," he began, unsure of how to proceed. "I thought you know, we haven't done the tree yet. And - my mom's gonna be mh… making food later."

"I'm a little tired," she mumbled.

"_Come Kag._"

"Inuyasha, I'm just tired."

Usually she would fight him; a fire would lite in her blue eyes and she would argue with him but not this time. She was pleading him, begging for him to leave her alone. He did not want to; he wanted to fight for her, fight for her smile but he could not. The look in her eyes killed him inside, it constricted around his heart and he was unable to force her to be herself. He was also a fighter but she took away his will to fight. He could not even throw insults at her - a thing he often did. If he did, he might bring more tears to her eyes and he could not be the cause of her sadness.

"Alright. A quick nap is all your lazy ass gets," he said, trying to force a smile in his voice. "Then we're gonna make the tree."

She nodded but he knew she was not convinced.

"Ya need anything?"

She shook her head.

"Alright, I'll be downstairs."

He waited for a second, hoping to pull a reaction out of her but instead he watched her walk towards the bed. His heart shattered and he forced himself out of her room. He quietly closed the door behind him and pressed his back to it. How was he going to survive this? How was he going to spend the rest of his life watching her _break down to pieces_. This was not Kagome, this was not _his_ Kagome. He was powerless to help her and his heart could not stand it. He had bile rising up in his throat and he had to clamp it shut simply to prevent himself from throwing up. He was a coward and he was useless.

Meanwhile Kagome sat on the bed and let herself drop. She thought about turning around and never coming but that was not even an option. She recognized the seriousness in Inutaisho's voice and if she did not show up out of her own free will, he would have dragged her. This was less complicated and it was less effort. She closed her eyes, praying that sleep would claim her. If she slept, they would let her sleep and they would not bother her. She knew they meant well. She swallowed hard, her heart heavy. Her chin was trembling, her back bowed as she wrapped her arms around her legs.

Nothing filled the sadness. Nothing took away the pain.

She tried, god knew she tried. She left the house for a while - she even slept outside. They had a nice little well house right by the shrine - it had four walls and a roof. It was enough. It was away from that place, away from the memories and away from the ghosts that refused to leave her alone. How was she supposed to live her life when they were around her? When she cooked, her mother was right there, lurking behind her, waiting to say something, waiting to guide her. When she was in the living room watching TV, she could hear her grandfather screaming at her, telling her she needed to learn how to be a miko instead of wasting her time on mindless cartoons.

But all those voices, all those feelings - they were in her head.

They were gone.

Her grandpa would never throw another sutra at Inuyasha. Her mother would never wake up her again with pancakes.

It was her and her alone.

Again, she was unable to hold back the tears. While fighting the ache in the hollowness of her chest, her shoulders quaked. She covered her face with one of her hands, her fingers tracing her sunken cheek. Apparently she lost weight somewhere along the way. Cooking was too much work. Everything in the kitchen belonged to her mother. She did not want any of it. It was not drastic yet; she was far from being a sack of bones. She could handle this for a while. Plus, Izayoi would shove food down her throat and she would get her weight back up again. _It was fine_. Everything was fine.

She opened her eyes, a vacant shine in her glance. When was it going to be over? And how long could she stay locked in this bedroom? How good could she play the whole corpse act so that they would leave her alone?

Meanwhile on the other side of the door, ears were listening. He did not think she would arrive this early. Though he assumed it was her - who else would be crying their eyes out? She might think her sobbing was quiet but it was highly annoying and high pitched. The way her throat bubbled with sadness, the quiet sniffles of her nose and the little hiccups. How was he supposed to focus and handle this week if he had listen to her whine and cry? He lost his mother as well and he did not share a single tear. She was an adult - he was nothing but a mere child when it happened to him.

Weakness was despicable.

He already had a weak half brother, he did not need a weak human as well.

He remained by the door a bit longer until finally the sounds ceased. He exhaled deeply and finally resumed his walk back towards his bedroom. He did not grieve, he did not shed a tear. His mother died and he moved on. Why wouldn't he? His father certainly did not mourn his mother. How could he? He was too busy fucking his mistress and then marrying her. There was not time to cry for his mother. Nobody else cared. Life did not matter. You could be high, mighty and powerful but it did not matter. Someone could just as easily disrespect you and spit on your grave.

His hands fisted at his side and he took another deep breathe. _Whatever_. The human was here and he would have to deal with her. Though his father's orders were not specific; he said he had to be here - as in the house. Fine, he would be in the house. His old bedroom was large and filled with books and a laptop. There was more than enough to keep himself busy for the week. Also, he was a dayoukai meaning he could go a long time without eating human food. He could stay in his room during her entire stay. Hopefully his room was far enough from hers that he could not hear her cry.

He had a feeling she was going to do that for a while.

He took another step forward and then he heard it again; the sobs.

They drilled through his head, echoing in his brain. He hated tears.

-L-

He was gone.

And she could breathe easier.

Inuyasha was forced to pick up his mother - at least that was what she heard him mumble against the door. His father was stuck at work and Izayoi's car broke down. Inuyasha apologized a million times - which she figured was his way of saying he did not like the idea of leaving her alone - and then he left her. There was no one in the house; only her. She unglued her sticky eyes and stared at the door; she could leave. It was her one chance to get out of this room. She could not actually leave the house; Inutaisho would find her and bring her back. There was something very _dominant_ about his alpha status and even she could not challenge it.

Still, she could use the bathroom, get rid of the stuffy odour in her room. She did not like those walls. They reminded her mother; the pastel colors, the soft comforter. She needed to get away from it. She sluggishly pushed her body off the bed and then her feet made contact with the ground. She took her first steps, her grey wool socks sliding across the floor. Her back was hunched while she made her way to the door. She grabbed the handle with a shaky hand and managed to summon enough strength to twist it and then she pushed it open. She felt a rush of cold air wrap around her body but she ignored it.

At this point her mind was too fuzzy and tired for her to remember where anything was. Instead of heading in a particular direction she let her feet lead her to whatever destination they wanted. Before she knew it, she reached the end of the hall. She found herself stepping into the living room where something special was; a christmas tree. There were no decorations in it, no instead they were on the ground in an old cardboard box. A nice green bare tree. Her mother would have been excited - she would have called her name fifty times by now. They would drink hot coco and put all the decorations.

But there was no one and there was no hot coco.

Regardless, she let her feet carry her to the tree. She stumbled a few times, her legs weak and her stomach growling from a deep hunger. Her eyes were opened wide, tears coursing down her cheeks but she did not feel them. Once she was in front of the tree she loudly smacked down to her knees, never sensing the pain, never feeling the bruises that formed on the side of her legs. She rose a trembling hand, fingertips grazing the edge of a branch, the ends hurting slightly. She was lost in her world, in her agony and because of that she never heard the footsteps heading her way.

He was forced to check on her, the loud bang attracting his attention. If anything happened to her while he was the only one in the house he would never hear the end of it. Though as he stood there, leaning against the doorway, he saw that she was fine. And by fine he meant no physical injuries. He could not do anything about the pain in her heart - he was not responsible for that. He was alone through his and it was the way to move on. His brother's constant pestering was not helping her. It was not helping anybody.

"Did I bother you?"

He remained in his spot, startled. So she spoke? She did not speak with his brother but she spoke to him?

"I thought no one was here."

It was easier to speak with him around. He did not care about her - he probably did not even remember meeting her. There was no pity rolling off his aura, no sadness in his voice. He was not trying to be kind or nice to her and he did not have that fake smile on his face. It was refreshing, it was a breathe of fresh air and she needed it. She wanted him to speak, she even wanted to annoy him. Nobody snapped at her, nobody told her the truth of things. Perhaps he would? He did not owe her anything which would allow him to be blunt. She wanted it - she craved it.

However, despite her efforts he still did not reply to her.

"I used to love christmas."

Inuyasha told her one thing about his brother; he did not like other people, he did not like humans. He certainly never took an interest in anyone.

"My mom and I would decorate the tree together, drink hot coco and listen to corny songs."

He wanted to leave because this conversation meant nothing to him. He did not know her and he never met her mother. He heard Inuyasha mention dinners at her house some times. Though he remained unknowledgeable about her family. And he could not relate to her memories because his experience with his mother was quite different from hers. There were no trees, there was no hot coco and there certainly was no corny songs. He should leave and yet he remained where he stood. He was not startled; he was actually intrigued. She had something to gain from this. He had a very good hearing; he could hear almost everything going on in this house. Her sobbing was not the only thing he heard. He also heard his stupid half-brother yapping his mouth off while she basically said nothing. Why would she not speak with his brother instead of him?

Her aura was - off.

What did she have to gain?

He stood there, waiting to hear more because now - now he had something he wanted.

"My mom - she used to say that christmas was the cumulation of everything that's good in the world. That it reminds us to be at peace with one another."

It was true back then. Her heart would soar with happiness, she would laugh like never before and her chest would burst with laughters. She could forgive everything on that day - especially Inuyasha's bad behavior. There was nothing wrong, no bad thoughts, no tears shed. On that day, everyone received loved, everyone could be together and everyone found kindness in their hearts. They even gave free soup at the shrine. It was a time of love and peace.

It was not this. It was not this emptiness.

Kagome leaned back a bit but she never looked at him. She could feel his presence - he wanted to stay. Although she did not feel he was annoyed. That was not what she wanted. Her eyes traveled to the box beside her and she eyed one of the golden ornaments. She picked it up from the box and dangled it from her finger, staring at it as it turned and spun, the light reflecting off of it.

"Inuyasha wants us to decorate the tree."

Her throat hurt; she was not used to speaking this many words. Where was this need coming from? _He was frustrating_. He was supposed to cut her off and then snap at her - do something that wasn't filled with pity and kindness. He was ruthless, he was the ice king! That was what Inuyasha called him. _It was not fair_. Why was he not the monster her friend described? She rarely felt anything but this she felt; it was not sadness, it was not hollowness - it was rage. It was new and it was pulsing through her chest, compressing her lungs and turning her throat dry. _It was new_.

"I don't want to and he knows that."

She did not want anything. It was all empty inside of her. She tried to feel something, to get a rise out of herself. She punched a wall once, she even broke a frame. The glass cut her and she let it bleed. She did not die, she did not treat the injury. Eventually it went away all on its own. But it did not matter because she did not get mad, she did not cry and she did not feel the pain. There was too much torture and agony swirling inside of her chest that it numbed her out to anything else. Pain did not work, rage never appeared and - and happiness was long gone. What was she supposed to do?

"He doesn't know what to do."

"Is there a purpose to this conversation?"

She was seeking solace at the wrong place; he could not comfort her, he could not make it all disappear. If she was looking for someone to cuddle her and protect her and give her warmth - that was his brother's job. The idiot would happily do it, actually it was all he was waiting for - a sign from her. He could not give happiness, he could not give joy. He had none and it was fine by him. He lived his life the way he was raised; with pride. He had no time for anything else. He had no time to waste.

If there were more emotions, more strength inside of her, she might have smirked. "I don't know what to do either." No eating, no sleeping, no living. Was there an end to this?

This time, his nostrils flared; she was ignoring him. Clearly she was insane. It was not about telling him something or trying to accomplish something. She finally lost her mind and now she was acting crazy. She was probably talking to herself, using the image of him to feel - not as insane. He had no reason to stay and he had no intention of remaining there, waiting for her to insult him further. He unglued himself from the doorframe and threw one last glance her way before turning away. He slowly began to walk away, the sounds of his footsteps the only sound echoing through.

"How did you do it?"

He stopped.

There was no rage, no reason to keep him there. He was not going to snap at her and he was not going to stir feelings that were not there. Maybe - maybe there was something else she could get from him. She did not know how or when, but she knew he lost his mother. She heard it in passing - Inuyasha did not know anything about it either. Only that she died when he was young.

"What happened after your mother died?"

Unconsciously, his hands fisted at his sides. He felt his jaw clench and he twisted his body to look at her. He enjoyed the fact that she was not looking at him earlier but now it made him mad. How dare she pretend that she knew anything about him? How dare she even bring up his personal life? His brother had a big mouth and that was something he intended on fixing. Most people did not know about his mother. Some thought she disappeared into the wind, other assumed she was dead but he never confirmed anyone's suspicions. He let them guess because it did not concern them.

If he wanted to _bond_ over mother's deaths, he would have. But he did not.

"Do not speak of things you know nothing about."

There. She heard it. That pain hidden behind a violent warning. She found _it_; an emotion other than pity or sadness. .

Although, in return, he managed to press one of her buttons.

"I do know what I'm talking about."

For the first time since the beginning of their conversation, despite how one sided it was, she turned around and looked at him. His eyes met hers and her lips parted as she exhaled. Her eyes were red and stained with the tears she previously shed. Her lips were cracked, blood running through the broken membrane. His own eyes were glowing with a rage she wanted to have. She envied all those feelings he had. Inuyasha described him as stoic but he was not. He was the proof that there was something else after all the pain. It did not have to be like this forever; there was something after this agony.

She wanted it.

She desired to know how he came back from it. How did he find the good that she thought no longer existed? She wanted to believe her mother's words, she wanted to trust that on Christmas' day, her heart would find joy but she knew it was a lie.

"No, you do not."

"You're the expert on losses?"

"No," he quickly answered as he finally convinced himself to step into the living room. He tried to keep his distance; he was not supposed to touch the girl and if someone came back and he was the reason for her tears - he would never hear the end of it. "But you do not know the first thing about me."

"I know you lost your mother."

He took another step closer.

"That does not give you any information about me."

"I know how you feel."

"I am not you. I am not weak."

For a second, she almost believed him. His eyes were cold enough to fool her but she wanted to see behind it. She knew not everyone was as close to their mother as she was but - there was no way he felt nothing. You had one mother and then - that was it. No more. Plus his insult, it did not feel real. He called her weak but it was missing the power behind it - it was not even harsh. He was too busy being insulted to even think about hurting her properly. _She needed to push him further_. She wanted him to be mean because she was sick and tired of the niceness. She needed something else.

"_And you're not_?"

Her tone changed.

"You never speak to your brother. I've known him for years, I see your family all the time - and I barely met you."

"That is because I do not have time to waste."

"Family is not a waste of time."

"Then you are a bigger idiot than I originally thought."

She thought the family he had left was family? It was not. It was his half-brother's mother, the idiot himself and a father who was not a father. Inutaisho had time for Inuyasha, he had time to be with him and _Izayoi_. Inuyasha disliked Sesshomaru from the beginning and the feeling was mutual. The other woman - the one who thought she could replace his mother was a fraud. And his father let them take away the life they had. Family meant nothing because there were not his family. He had himself and himself only. It was the one thing his mother taught him before she left.

No attachment, no trust. He did not need it.

His words hung thick in the air and she remained there, eyes opened wide while he walked away from her. He might no longer be sad or broken but he was not happy. There was no goodness in his heart, there was no peace.

And she wondered; which was best?

-L-

Dinner was quiet - as expected. Everyone made useless chitchat, watching the broken girl eat. She played with her food, she pushed it around her plate and almost none of it made its way to her mouth. Nobody commented on it, nobody spoke of her loss - instead they focused on things that did not matter, they all smiled, they were all happy. Sesshomaru chose to keep to himself. He was forced to be present but he did not have to speak or enjoy it - it was not part of the deal. Instead he _watched_ her but not the way they did. They were looking for distress signs, for the sadness shining in her eyes.

It was not what he wanted to see.

There was something different about her at dinner - she did not look like the girl he saw sitting by the tree. No words coming out of her mouth, no searching eyes. Why did she act strangely around him? Why did she think he was the appropriate person to talk to? He never was. He did not even care.

The only thing he was grateful for was the fact that the day was over. He was back to the comfort of his old bedroom, laying in his bed with a book in his hands. He shut off all the noises, all the voices. They kept whispering about her, about the little things they noticed and he did not want to hear about it anymore. His eyes re-focused on his book despite the small amount of light coming from his bedside lamp. He had not been in this room in long time and it was no longer befitting of him. It was the room of a teenager - one he never was. His father decorated this bedroom for him.

His father was in charge of everything - as always.

Unfortunately for Sesshomaru his quietness was interrupted by a soft knock on his door. He frowned, dropping the hard blue cover of his book upon his lap. Who would even bother him? His father would not knock and Inuyasha would never come to see him. He waited for a beat, trying to see if the knock was truly on his door.

And it happened again.

This time he was forced to put his book aside and threw his legs over the bed. His bare feet grazed the ground and he quickly headed in direction of the door. As he approached the door he came to a realization; it was her. _What in the world was she doing at his door_? For a second, he thought about not answering and leaving her out there but curiosity got the best out of him. He slowly opened the door and peaked at her through the opening. She stood there wearing some ridiculous blue pyjamas covered in yellow moon crescent while her hands were hidden behind her back. Her head was tilted forward, her long dark bangs hiding her face from his eyes.

"Can I help you?" he inquired, his tone a bit condescending.

"Can I come in?"

There was no shaking in her voice but it was quiet. She should not be here and yet she could not help it. It was gnawing at her, eating her from the inside. He was okay, he was there and he was - no he was not social, he did not speak with others but he was not her. He was functioning. How did he manage to get there? Was he always an asshole or did death make him that way? Would it ever stop hurting or would it turn her into someone else?

He was the only one who had the answers, the only one who would be truthful.

Sesshomaru pondered the issue for a second and he already knew the answer; he should close the door in her face. But he did not. Instead, he moved out of the way and let her walk in. Once she walked past him, he closed the door behind her and turned around to look at her. This time, her head was tilted backwards and she was staring at him. He would not be the first one to speak. She came to him and she would be the one to tell him what she wanted from him.

"How did you do it?"

That fucking question again. Did she not understand that he did not have an answer for her? "_Get out_," he muttered.

She curled her lips inside her mouth, pinching them together. Her legs were trembling as she tried to keep her face neutral - it would bring her no good if she broke down in front of him.

"No. I wanna know." She exhaled loudly. "I _need _to know."

Everyone looked at her like she was a broken porcelain doll. They were waiting for her to kill herself, end it all. They always surrounded her like they were waiting to catch her. She was broken, yes but she was not dead yet. She had to live because - her mother would never forgive her if she gave up. It did not make it any easier though. Each day, she woke up, each day she felt like a ghost. It never ended, it never got better.

She never let herself cry in front of them. She never let them see all the damages because it would become worst.

But he did not care about her. He did not need her and he was not her friend. "I need to know because I can't live like this."

This was not living, this was not the way it was supposed to be. Christmas was about happiness and smiles and sharing tender moments together. It was not this nightmare.

It was subtle but he heard it; the way her voice broke.

"I have nothing to offer you."

He was doing his best to remain civil and polite but she had this way of pushing him around, pressing his buttons. Nobody spoke about his mother, nobody spoke about death. They knew better; they understood that it was none of their businesses.

She did not. She stepped over the line, she disregarded what and who he was. He was not his half-brother; he was not weak and he had pride. He deserved respect. She was tiny, broken human who thought she could speak to him however she wished. She invaded his privacy as she pleased and she did not apologize for it.

"But you do," she replied before swallowing hard. "You're fine. You lost your mother and you're fine."

His eyes narrowed and he resisted the urge to grind his teeth. "You know nothing about me, miko. Do not pretend you can speak about me as though you are knowledgeable about my situation."

"I _see _it."

"You see _nothing_" he snapped, his fangs bared at her.

For a second, she stood there, startled. Her eyes were opened wide, her breathe was caught in her throat and his aura was rolling off her body like a warning sign. She did not listen to it. She felt the tears fill up her eyes but she did not allow a single tear to roll down her cheek. Strong, she had to be strong. She easily noticed how pride was important to him. He would not listen, he would not share, if she broke down in front of him. She needed to focus on remaining calm and keeping her breathing rate under control. She could not let herself be intimidated. She _needed_ to feel something else than this pain.

"_Then make me see something_," she spoke out loud. "Anything but this! Because this is unbearable! Every time I walk around, every time I breathe I feel like I'm dying. I'm suffocating, I'm choking on my own air!"

Her out burst came out as a surprise and he found himself speechless for a second.

And she took advantage of that. "And everyone thinks I need hugs and I need to be coddle, and they - they just pretend it's not there. They think if they say sorry enough or if they smile enough, I'm eventually gonna be okay. _But I'm not_." Her face was so numb, the rage _finally_ filling her heart that she did not feel the tears that leaked down her face.

Her words angered him, bringing back feelings he did not want to think about. He was a child when his mother died, he did not think about that. He knew he was alone, he knew he suffocated the first night… but he knew better. He never called out for her - what would be the point? He knew she was gone forever and his father would not be there for him. His father had his new family and there was no room for him. They were too human, too normal. He held on to the values his mother taught him and his father did not appreciate that.

"I cannot help you," he said through his teeth.

The rage inside of her exploded all that once and she pushed him. Her palms landed flat against his chest and she pushed. "_You're lying_."

Before the last breathe of air was out of her lungs she was lunged into the nearby wall with his hand wrapped around her throat. "Do not put your hands on me," he warned, his lips close to her ear. _There was a limit to what he could tolerate_.

"Why not?"

It felt good. It was a rush of energy, a rush of adrenaline. When was the last time she felt this alive?

This time, she forced a smirk out of him. "Do you have a death wish?" There was a darkness gleaming in his eyes but it was not the same one she felt inside of her chest. It was different, more alive. She wanted it. She envied him. He brushed off everything, he moved around like there was no hurdle in front of him…

And then she made a stupid decision.

She leaned forward and she kissed him.

At first she felt him stiff underneath her touch, his grip around her neck loosening but he quickly recovered. Again, she was tossed against the wall and this time she was forced to wince in pain. _That feeling was familiar_.

Words were stuck in his throat and despite how badly he wanted to voice them, he could not. _Was she insane_? She completely lost her mind - there were no other explanation. Why else would she kiss him? _Kiss_ him. She KISSED him? Although it was completely infuriating, it did shock him. She looked like a weak broken girl and there she was provoking him on purpose…kissing him. Did she lose her mind or did he lose his? He could not even tell the difference. Wrath seeped through his blood, bleeding into his eyes. He was not her toy; she could not bring forth his rage, and talk about his past as she wished.

What did she take him for?

She stared at him, eyes opened like a scared doe, lips parted, slightly moist from the kiss. Her stare was broken, the emptiness swirling inside of her quite obvious. But there was a craving hidden beneath all this.

He inhaled deeply and finally released his hold on her neck. He could see the red marks but he knew she would not bruise. He did let his control slip but he was not stupid. Everyone would question bruises.

"Leave," he ordered as he turned his back on her.

"No."

He closed his eyes. "_Leave_."

She grabbed his arm, wrapping her tiny fingers around his large arm. "I - I don't know how to fix it." She was reckless. She was provoking a high level youkai and the fact that she was walking out of this alive was a miracle. She should listen to him, she should walk out before she made another mistake. She was hanging on by a thread, lost as to how to keep going on. He knew how to live with the pain and she wanted that part of him.

This girl was - _something else_. Anyone else would have squirmed in fear in front of his aura. He was letting off enough anger to even stiffen his father but she stood there. She went back for more - she even grabbed him. He did not know if she was courageous or if she had a death wish. _One thing was certain;_ he was right to be intrigue by her earlier.

She was not as broken as they all thought.

He grabbed her wrist and yanked her against the wall. This time he was not as forceful. He trapped her between the wall and his body, his knee inching between her legs. "Is this the answer you are looking for?"

He was taunting her but it did not matter since she nodded.

There was something he could give and she wanted it.

_Defiance_. That was what he saw in her. She was nothing he imagined her to be and she was nothing they wanted her to be. He should be raging, fixing her behavior so that she never thought she knew him. She knew nothing about him. _And yet somewhere deep down, he knew that look_. He had that look and it was haunting him. He did not want to look in her eyes again. He wanted them close - he did not want to think, he did not want to dwell on things he should not.

So he repeated her mistake; he kissed her.

His fire spread from him to her lips and she leaned into his body. It was not her intention when she came into his room. She came seeking a solution, seeking feelings that did not resolve around death. He was rough, he did not sugar coat anything and he offered nothing but the cold hard truth. It was more than anyone else offered her since the death of her mother and grandfather. She wanted to take it and never let it go. His hands moved to her arms and they clashed against her cold skin. She pushed her body forward, stealing away more of his warmth.

He expected her to pull away - she was not supposed to return the kiss.

But she did.

She did not do a single thing he expected.

He should pull away, he should put an end to it all.

Kagome dared to move her hands, sliding them across his black t-shirt, although this time it was not to push him away. Fingers dug into the fabric, tugging at it, but he did not move closer. This was not him. He did not kiss some _silly_ miko. His claws slipped in and they dug into her flesh, through the fabric of her white shirt. Blood seeped through as he pushed her away from his body. Her eyes twinkled while she stared down at the blood but she did not seem afraid.

_Her blood was warm_. Despite the coldness of her body, there was something warm and alive inside of her. She had almost given up hopes. She could still feel his lips on hers, they were warm, they were welcoming. His aura was aggressive, pushing against hers, challenging her. She had not been able to control her own aura for a while. She could not even bring forth her powers - but she could feel him. _Why could she feel him_ and no one else? She never thought twice about him. She knew he was there, she knew he was Inuyasha's half brother but - that was it. She tried to see him a few times in the beginning but she quickly gave up.

He had no interest for anyone.

Did the loss make him that way or was he _strong_?

She wanted to know.

Despite the distance that he put between them, her hands were still on his body. She clutched his shirt and smacked herself against him. "Challenge me." _She wanted to feel alive_. She wanted to know where and how he got his drive. He was strong - stronger than anyone she ever met and that included Inutaisho.

She insulted him; she thought she was up to a fight with him? His pride was almost wounded. It was all he had, the one thing he hung on.

He took the bait.

His lips were on hers before she could even breathe. Rough hands traveled through her body, tugging at the clothes that covered her. Before she knew it, her shirt was off and cold air wrapped around her. She shivered under his touch while his thumb dug beneath her ribs. He grabbed her roughly, pushing her towards the bed. The entire time she felt the pressure, the strength of his aura pushing against her. He was waiting for her full submission and she had yet to give it. She did lean backwards, let him take as much as he could, without fully surrendering. In the end, she was determine to feel something; pain or pleasure.

Whatever it was, she wanted it.

She craved it.

He laid her across the bed, his actions everything but kind. He owed her nothing, he did not know her. He did not have to pretend and he was not being kind for her sake. She came to him for something and it was all that she was going to get.

He removed his own shirt, sliding it above his head, and then attacked her neck. He let his fangs graze along the flesh of her neck all the way to her collarbone. He nibbled at the bone and then lowered himself to her breasts. She wore no bra under her clothes and it made his task much easier. Claws were prickling at her breasts, feeling the nipple hard under his touch. His nose trailed the edge of her breasts and then he captured one of the buds in his mouth and suckled on it. For the first time, he tore a moan from her throat. Her aura surged and pushed through him. It fried against his skin and his eyes bled red for a second.

_She had some fuel left_.

He wanted it all.

Sweatpants found their ways onto the floor along with her underwear. As he slipped off his own pants, he took a quick sniff, assessing that she indeed was not a virgin. _He did not want it messy_ and he certainly did not want hell over a challenge. He was too proud to back down and this made his task easier. A moment later, he was pressing his erection against her wet core and she shivered. His eyes met hers for a brief moment, wondering if she was the one who would back away from her own challenge. But she never looked away. As a matter of fact, there was a fire in her eyes, shining behind all the rain.

He pushed in.

Her toes curled, her body rapidly wrapping around his waist as he pushed his entire length inside of her. He groaned before covering her body with his. He slid in and out at a slow pace at first but then quickly rushed his thrusts. She responded to his body, moulding against his but never giving him exactly what he wanted; full control. Skin slid across skin, her body warm and sweaty against his perfect chiseled body. He was rough, thrusting into her without restraint and she never complained. Pure light flickered across his body, dying to sizzle his skin away but he always blocked it. Power was bursting through her and she did not even know.

It roared through him, a strength calling out to him. It was hard to ignore it.

His hard length pulsed inside of him and for once, he was _excited_ for something. He wanted to unveil her, even if it meant breaking her apart. He wanted to peel away the layers. He thrusted in again, and against, waiting for her to thrust her hips back. And she did.

Her heart raced rapidly, bursting with more than she could handle. Her entire body quivered, her thighs clamping around him, keeping him inside. His long locks of silver hair tickled her flesh, brushing long side her breasts. Breathing burned her lungs but she did not lack air. Tears spilled out of her eyes but there was no pain behind them. She shed tears, all the tears her mind had been crying. For the first time, she _felt_. Something else than pain and darkness was happening inside of her each time he slid in and out of her. Her back was arched, her skin was on fire as moans of pleasure past her lips.

_More, more, more_ but never enough.

He gripped her hips forcefully, picking up his pace and she leaned her breasts into his chest. She wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face and her tears into the crook of his neck. He was warm, he was alive. She clung to him, hanging on as though he was about to slip from her fingers. She was not able to keep anyone - she was too late. But he was here, he was inside of her making her feel alive. She would hang on as long as she could. Large hands traveled to her rear, kneading the flesh and she dared to nibble at his flesh. He hissed in pleasure and growled against her ear sending shivers of pleasure through her body.

There was something intoxicating about her scent, about the feel of her aura as it wrapped around him. He was sure she did not even notice what she was doing but he did. Her aura clashed against his but he always managed to dominate it. She was strong, stronger than he thought, but he won each round. It drove a rush through him; it was rare that someone could challenge him. And she was broken. He almost found himself wondering what she could do when she was whole.

He was tempted.

He thrusted his hips faster, sliding in and out of her with ease. She was warm and tight around him but he was drawing out the moment as long as possible. Her chest heaved with each breathe she took, her large breasts and hard nipples pressing into his chest.

More.

Her moans were louder, her womanhood wetter and slicker. He groaned, tipping his head forward and bringing it against her chest, his nose resting between her breasts. One more trust.

He felt her reach her completion, climaxing around him, squeezing out all that he had to offer and he joined her. His eyes rolled, his fangs nipped at her flesh and he unloaded himself inside of her, sending a warm, searing liquid to cover her insides. Her hips jerked forward and his replied to the action. He dared to pant while he lifted himself from her body, hair sweeping across her chest. He flipped himself over, removing himself from inside of her and landed on the spot beside her. He laid there, bare by her side, while she breathed loudly. Her body was close, so close to his, but he did not touch her. He stayed there, his body buzzing.

Time ticked away and silence filled the room. It should be uncomfortable but it was fine. He was laying on his side and she was laying on hers. He did not tell her to leave but she might end up doing so regardless. For now, she would stay where she was.

She turned her head and looked at the clock: 12:01. It was officially christmas. She wrapped her arms around the brown pillow, hugging it to her chest. She twisted her head around, stealing a glance at Sesshomaru. His eyes were already close, his face facing her. Her panting had yet to cease and her heart was soaring with overwhelming emotions. Her cheeks were stained by the tears she cried but for once, the weight on her shoulders was gone. It would not be forever and she might feel bad tomorrow but tonight, at this moment, on christmas, she felt alive. There was no pain each time her heart beat, there was no struggling to take another breathe.

He shifted slightly, approaching her body and she let the tiniest smile grace her lips.

Perhaps her mother was right and it was not a child's foolish thought; christmas did bring good thing and it did help her find peace.

It would be a short solace but - she was at peace with herself.

She leaned her head forward, her forehead touching his and he did not move away.

Who knew he would be the good she needed on christmas?

-L-


End file.
